


He Almost Stayed

by FeralSnufkin



Series: I Ache [5]
Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Angst, But don't worry it'll be okay, Fluff and Angst, Happy(ish) ending, It's Winter man this is gonna be sad, Love is Letting Go, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Snufkin is in love, Snufkin's Harmonica is a metaphor, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 19:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19069534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralSnufkin/pseuds/FeralSnufkin
Summary: Winter is here and Snufkin has to leave. Moomin meets him before he can go and they say their goodbyes for the year.(The last story of the 'I Ache' series)





	He Almost Stayed

**Author's Note:**

> We’re finally here! The last story in the series. I was listening to ‘Too Good At Goodbye’ by Sam Smith while writing this and it felt approprate to mention it because it fits so well.

When the first snowflakes of Winter fell, they landed between Snufkin and Moomin like a wall. Moomin stared at the snowflakes through the glass of his window. His feet carried him out of his room and down the stairs before he even knew he was running. 

Moominmamma stepped out of the way on the staircase before he could run into her. 

“Sorry, Mamma.” Moomin called, sprinting past her. 

Moominmamma opened her mouth to call after him but the moment she saw the snow flurries out the open door, she knew what was wrong. She sighed and continued going about her day. 

Moomin didn’t stop running as he reached the edge of the hill. His foot slipped out from underneath him and he landed on his bottom. Sliding down the hillside was a fast way down but it was also embarrassing to fall. Moomin hopped back up to his feet and ran for the bridge. 

“Snufkin?” He yelled. “Snufkin?” 

Snufkin looked up from his bag. He had already packed his tent up and was pulling the backpack on. His shoulders relaxed as Moomin came into view. “Hello, Moomintroll.” 

“You’re still here. I caught you.” Moomin panted, his hands on his legs. 

Snufkin nodded. He didn’t mention that he’d finished packing about an hour ago and had been waiting for Moomin to come outside and say goodbye. Years ago, he often left before Moomin even came out but now he couldn’t leave without seeing him one last time. No one had to know he’d fiddled with his sleeping bag four times before Moomin had come outside just to give himself an excuse to stay longer. That secret was his. 

“You caught me.” Snufkin pulled his bag onto his shoulders. “I’ll be going now. I have to leave before the snow gets too heavy.” He looked down the path out of Moomin Valley. He’d traveled it many times now. He would travel it again. 

A hand caught his sleeve. Snufkin felt Moomin’s snout press in between his shoulder blades. “I don’t want you to go.” 

Snufkin turned to face Moomin. He opened his arms and Moomin fell into them. Snufkin marveled over how well they fit together. Snapping together in place like puzzle pieces. He buried his fingers into the white fur of Moomin’s back, and leaned into his warmth. “It’ll be okay, Moomin.” 

“You could stay in Moomin House.” Moomin gave one last effort. 

Snufkin smiled despite the way his heart clenched. Moomin was persistent. “Moomin.” 

“There’s space in my room. The snow gets heavy but you could go sledding. Too-ticky is around. You could see her while I’m sleeping.” Moomin offered. “You don’t have to go.” 

Snufkin sighed, fondly. Too-ticky was a nice person but he was sure she wouldn’t want Snufkin bothering her all season. He would love to curl up beside Moomin and sleep until Spring. He shook his head no.  

“But what if you get hurt? What if you get sick? I won’t know where you are. How can I make sure you’re safe?” 

Snufkin swallowed hard. For a brief moment, Snufkin felt his defenses crumble. He would stay. He could survive a winter here in Moomin Valley. Moominmamma would let him sleep in the living room where the fire was warm. He could wake Little My and go on adventures. It wouldn’t be too bad. 

But his nature called him to other lands. His skin itched to move on. He couldn’t change who he was anymore than he could get Moomin to love him the way he wanted. 

“I’m sorry, Moomin.” He cupped Moomin’s face. He waited until they were looking at each other. “I wish I could stay but I can’t.” 

All the fight left Moomin at once. He sagged like the trees caked in heavy snow. “Okay.” He said. “You’re right. I was being selfish.” 

Snufkin’s heart broke all over again seeing Moomin’s sad face. They’d done this a thousand times but it never got easier. The main thing in life is to know your own mind and Snufkin’s mind told him that he needed to leave so he would listen. He needed to be away from Moomin. The absence would help. 

And who knows, with the months away, maybe his love would fade too. It would fade and the snow would fade and they would move on to the next seasons like always. “It’s okay. I understand how much you want me to stay. It lets me know I’m loved.” 

Moomin looked up at Snufkin. His eyes sparkled and his lashes collected with snowflakes. “You are. I love you very much Snufkin.” 

Snufkin smiled. His heart belonged to Moomin. It seemed fair for him to give Moomin everything all at once. He reached into his pocket and held out his harmonica. “Here, take this.” 

“Your mouth organ?” Moomin looked down at the harmonica. “I can’t take that. It’s your most prized possession.” 

“You’re right. It is. I’d give everything I own away before I part with my harmonica.” Snufkin pushed the instrument into Moomin’s hands. “So, it’s very important to me and I’ll need to come back to Moomin Valley if I want it back.” 

“But how will you play the first tune of Spring?” Moomin said. 

Snufkin thought about it. “I guess I’ll just have to wait until I see you to play it.” He shrugged.

Moomin held the harmonica in his hands. “Snufkin…” The words came out as a sob and Moomin leaned into him again. 

Snufkin blinked, catching them both. Parting was hard for them but it wasn’t usually this hard. He wondered if something else was wrong. He ran a hand over Moomin’s back. “I’ll be back in the Spring. You’ll be asleep. You won’t even notice I’m gone.” 

Moomin looked down at the harmonica. “I know I shouldn’t have asked you to stay.” His voice was soft and tiny. “But I can’t help it. I never want you to leave. Even when I’m sleeping, I know that something important in Moomin Valley is gone when you’re not there.” 

Snufkin’s heart warmed. He could think of a thousand ways to tell Moomin how important he was to him. He carried him in his mind all across the world. But the words threatened to be too direct, too loving, so he held his tongue and held Moomin. 

When enough time had passed to calm his emotions, Snufkin finally spoke. “I’ll be back in the Spring.” he repeated, cupping Moomin’s face. “You’ll sleep through the winter and when you wake up, I’ll be here as if I never left.” He leaned into Moomin again and Moomin clung to him. “I’ll tell you all about my adventures and you’ll tell me about your dreams. We’ll have many new tales to tell by the lantern.” 

Moomin placed his hands over Snufkin’s. His lips pursed as he shifted from foot to foot. 

Snufkin’s eyebrows furrowed. “Moomin, are you-” 

Snufkin squeaked as Moomin pressed his snout into his nose. The soft fur warmed his cheeks. Snufkin’s mind came to a stand still. His eyes fluttered closed and he leaned into the Moomin kiss. 

When Moomin moved away, his face was bright red. “I’ll see you in the Spring.” 

Snufkin nodded, dumbly. Was he reading too far into it? Moomin kisses were a little different than other kinds of kisses. He’d seen Moomin kiss Snork Maiden that way to say hello. He blinked the thoughts away and pulled Moomin in for another hug. “My dear Moomintroll, I’ll miss you.” 

Moomin hugged him back, hard. “I’ll miss you more.” He let go first. “Goodbye.” 

Snufkin nodded again. He let himself turn down the path and toward the forest. Don’t look back. He told himself as he crossed to the next hillside. Don’t look back. 

He looked back. 

Moomin was still there, waving even though he was a small speck of white on a snowy green hillside. 

Snufkin waved one last time before he continued walking. He pressed his hands against his face and rubbed where Moomin’s face had been. 

A newfound hope bubbled up in his chest. He didn’t want to read too far into it but love made him silly. The spring in his step carried him to the next town over and then further and further. All the while, he knew Moomin was sleeping at home in Moomin Valley. He knew Moomin Valley would always be there for him to return to. He knew Moomin had kissed him and in Spring, he could ask why. Until then, his heart was happy and for once, he left Moomin Valley and nothing ached.

**Author's Note:**

> And we're done. Thank you everyone who been reading and I'm so happy to have written this. I wanted a more hopeful ending because even I can only take so much angst for so long. 
> 
> If you liked this story/series, leave me a comment! I live off of them. I'll see you guy in whatever story I write next! (And one last big thanks to Jamie Woolley for inspiring me to write this series with her animatic on youtube. Go check it out!!)


End file.
